#Random thoughts

I've finished reading one of my journals that I wrote from 2006 - 2009 thereabout. They taught me a lot about myself and what I had put up with. I've no idea if that made me a stronger person or just someone who blames others for the things that happen. Well, at least I've come to terms with it and I'm living life slightly differently now. It's probably not as obvious in my actions as compared to my thinking.

I feel relieved. I feel a sense of closure within myself, about myself. Everything I've dealt with, choices I made were controlled by me to some extent. A few days ago, someone asked me if I was happy and he repeated that question a few times. The first time I answered yes without a thought. The second time he asked, I thought about it slightly longer and I realised, my answer is still a yes. On the way home I told him that I believe that happiness is a choice. He replied that sometimes situations that you get into just don't allow you to feel that way. I don't believe in that. I believe that if you're in a difficult situation and if you could just laugh or smile, you've already won the battle. For him to ask me that, I guess he must have had his own rainy days and I hope that whatever he's going through, he will learn to be genuinely happy.

I've learnt to conform all my life and if anyone takes that away from me, I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle it. How will I be who I am if I don't conform? Strange as it may seem but I've been thinking about it a lot in recent months... I wonder what it's like, to live as someone else who is able to watch myself go about my daily tasks. I think only then would I be able to learn more about myself and what I really want to do.

Just thinking.