Twenty 20

It's been a whirlwind period, I'm not sure I even remember what date/day it is right now. 5 months ago, never did we expect something like this to hit our shores.

I've been busier than ever before, and things have changed on the work and home fronts.

I have to admit that a while back, it felt like I was in "confinement jail" again, not being able to go out, being stuck at home, not being able to wear nice clothes out, not even being able to wear my bare face out without a mask. I'm not complaining, just feeling it.

I read one or two of my old posts before deciding to blog again. And I was enlightened by my past self - What was I thinking then? Why did I feel that way? And then it took me down a road of nostalgia. Thinking back 10 years ago, I think I have definitely changed a lot.

I always thought getting over certain things meant forgetting about the people who caused me to feel that way, and for some reason, I realised, the biggest idiot I should be getting over, is myself.

I was relating this incident to my close colleagues recently, that when I was in JC, there were 2 boys who called me fat at 2 different instances. I was roughly 1.63cm and 49kg. And I remember crying as though someone had punched me. The irony was that one of them, was severely overweight. I guess he was calling me fat so he could feel better about himself? I felt like shit, and looking back I think it was so silly. Why didn't I have the confidence then to tell them I didn't care what they think because I was definitely not fat?!

Oh wells, I guess, 10 years down the road, my confidence and self-esteem did pick up a bit, but I still find myself self-criticising once in awhile.

Today I imagined an instance where someone was comparing an older Thea to someone else and that made her feel lousy. I asked myself what would I say... and it came out something like this "Don't worry about being the same as xxx, he can be him, you will be you. It's ok to be different. If you want to be better, don't compare yourself with other people, because it means you will always fall short. But be the best of yourself that you can ever be. So if you want to compare, and if you want to be better, be better than yourself."

It came full circle again... I felt like I was saying that to myself. :P

Gotta aim to be the best me I can be!

Tooloos for now!