Checkmate

Sometimes the biggest obstacle to success is yourself. Norms in society create something for everyone to follow and if you can't, it doesn't mean you suck, it just means that you're special, not just different, but special.

There are periods in my life when I feel insecure about myself, about who I am and what I want to be. Whenever that happens, I freak out and it feels as though my body were to jump out of my own skin. There are times when I question myself about what I'm supposed to do and who I'm supposed to be.

Many people find this answer when they are studying and that's good news because hey, at least they know what they want to be when they eventually look for a job. But there are people like me who, up till today (my 3rd year in university), are still clueless about what they want to do in the future.

Of course, some people think it's easy - just identify your strengths and weaknesses and you're good to go! But then of course, what happens when the strengths and weaknesses that people think you possess don't really match the ones you think you have. Ahah! Then what? Find out what you really like to do? But can you really turn what you like to do into a profession?

So today, while studying for my 3rd finals paper in Iceland, I decided to reflect and stop studying for awhile. I know I can't fail this module but I also know that I can't just not reflect and not know what my whole life is for!

Anyway, to put things into perspective, I have to admit that I'm trying my best to be perfect. From being a fan of Emma Watson, loving how perfect I perceive her life to be (note: perceive), I start to dream about what I could be, what I could do with mine. Then it starts to dawn on me that hey, I'm not as pretty as her, neither am I as smart. Then I realise the truth - I'm no where close to being like her.

But the truth is that I want to share with likeminded lost sheep like me is that, perfection is an idea created by humans who were born to be imperfect. It's time to stop idolising blindly - it could be idolising that smart ass in your class who already has a job a year before he graduates, that perfect girl next door with her perfect boyfriend and their perfect relationship. It's time to stop judging yourself for not being perfect in ways you hope to be. Last but not least, even though you make mistakes, it's okay, because you are born to make mistakes!

With the conclusion of my reflection, I just thought it would be nice to share with everyone that it's okay to be yourself, to be plump, to have split ends in your hair, to have emotional outbursts, to be stressed for exams, to be lost because we are not made to find answers all the time. Sometimes, they are just stubbornly hidden and just refuse to come out. Sometimes, instead of searching for answers all the time, we need to take in that deep breath and chill out. Answers may just pop out of nowhere if we are lucky. But the most important thing is to believe in yourself, because confidence is a driving factor, it drives your brain to look in the right places, it spurs creativity, it spurs craziness, it spurs you to be you and it spurs you to love yourself.

Stop searching so hard because sometimes the answers are just right there...