Motion

I have a sudden urge to rant today. I think once in awhile, everyone reaches that moment in their life where they just wonder what on earth is going on. For me, that moment is now. We all have our past. We all live in the present. We all try to foresee the future. But we are not superhuman.

I think I've reached some sort of understanding with myself that my past cannot be changed, cannot be altered and to a certain extent, cannot be forgotten. But I've also realised that what is important to me is not what the past holds but how the past has taught me to live in the present. I can forget events but I cannot forget the lessons learnt. I enjoy living in the present. It's full of surprises, adventure and it just keeps coming.

Sometimes, we all get overclouded with our thoughts of the past and we try to correct them. We spend so much energy dwelling there that we forget where we are now. My advice? Spend time thinking about what you could be doing now and how you could make the best of it. I'm trying and I'm holding on to everything and everyone dear to me.

Today, while sitting for my finance paper, I almost started tearing. A huge thought came into my head - what am I doing, sitting here for a paper in university? Should I be pursuing something else instead? Am I going to be studying finance for the next few years? Or am I going to take a fluff major which I might not be an expert in and repeat 2010 all over again? All these stemmed from just one tiny moment of panic of not being able to remember how to calculate something. Too much...

I guess we all have our days, ups and downs. But I think it's extremely necessary to remember what you are living for, who you are living for. Maybe I've dwindled too much in the past, holding on to what I thought was a concrete block, which turned out to be sand. The more I tried to touch it up, the more it wasted away. I learnt how to hold on better now and I learnt how to pick a real concrete block. I have a harness of support from everyone around me and at least a goal in life to look forward to. Glad to be alive. <3