I miss this space. It's been 2 months since my last post and my days have been largely uneventful. It's week 13 and tomorrow is my last day of class till August! I almost can't believe it's April already. My exams start next week and I still have one final submission next Friday.
The past few days I've been unusually moody and it got me reflecting on my values and principles in life, the relationships I'm keeping with friends and family and among other things, what I really want out of life.
In secondary school, a teacher once told me, if there's one thing that you must take away from me, it's that you should not burn bridges. His reason for this was that you'll never know if you need these relationships one day. I used to believe in that, and I would try my best to always be a friend, to not sour relationships with people beyond repair. I think what I learnt from standing by this principle is that one should always try their best to build relationships with people and to not make enemies.
As a result, I think I've learnt to be milder over the years, to be a little less critical. I've learnt to say sorry and sorry goes a long way in mending relationships because of that admission of honesty and humility that you are not perfect and you can be wrong.
Fast forward a decade, I've learnt these lessons of humility and the importance of relationships. But my outlook on relationships have changed. I think burning bridges may be necessary at times when relationships are toxic. Obviously I didn't come to this conclusion overnight. Continuing such relationships has only made me feel not only uncomfortable but constrained. I am not myself and I can never show who I really am because I get judged.
I used to feel that maybe I'm just feeling left out and I just need acceptance. But after awhile I realised that no, what I really want and what I really need is to get out. I am left out but I don't want acceptance because I know I don't belong. I don't want to belong either because then I would be fake and I definitely don't want to be someone I'm not. It's a new way I'm looking at things now and I think this resolution can only come from within.
On a cheerier note, school is ending tomorrow and I'm starting my internship next month! Whoo hoo! I really can't wait to learn new things because I've finally, finally found something I like and that I'm passionate about. It would be best if I could do something that I really enjoy right? (: So excited!
Okay. It's back to crunch time now. Hope I can update more after exams! (: